It is important to you that the garden you love is beautiful. You plant seeds, take care of flower beds and put a lot of effort into them to get a blooming and beautiful garden; you don't put up a fence and close it from outsiders. People come, look at the trees and bring something of their own. Some give new seeds, some help care for them, and some do nothing. Some people think they can go to the garden and do whatever they want. They trample flower beds, pluck flowers and say the garden is not beautiful. One person, two, three and you put up a fence. So tall that no uninvited guest could even drop by.
Summer came and I went to my hometown for vacation. We were sitting in a coffee shop with a close friend Mila. She sat across the street, picking dessert with a spoon. She wasn't interested in my garden monologue, inspired by watching Deadly Attraction.
— What's the matter? Isn't the dessert tasty? - I asked, taking a spoon to try it.
— Yummy... You know, I don't want to go back to school after the holidays. “I'm kind of tired,” Mila replied.
You love school, I was surprised. It was true: of everyone I knew, Mila was the only one who was willing to spend all her free time at school.
— This is a thing of the past. The new girl turned the whole class against me. Even Anya doesn't talk to me anymore; I didn't let them write off their physics test, she said, sighing sadly.
What a silly reason, you might think, but a spark is enough for school society to make you the object of ridicule and bullying. Listening to Mila's story, I remembered myself. Six years ago, I was in her shoes; going to school was torture for me, and I found a million reasons why my mom would let me stay at home. The story started as usual and didn't bode well for me. Math wasn't my favorite subject, but my dad believed I could become a fan of math. My parents decided to transfer me to another school specializing in mathematics.
The changes scared me, but I kept bad thoughts away because I never had any problems: I easily made new friends and was a sociable girl. It was sad to leave old school; I loved going there and, of course, seeing my friends. There was nowhere to retreat, so I went to a new school in September.
The first thing I remember is my new classmates. I was lucky that the class I went to was fully recruited from other schools. There were guys around who were just as scared and didn't know anything. We quickly found a common language. It seems that the line was completed in a second. I was glad it was easy and painless. The class teacher told us the schedule and we went home. My thoughts were on my way to the car where my mom was waiting, and I ran into him right at the school gate. My first love at school, as it turns out later.
“Sorry, I didn't see you,” I said.
— It's okay, it happens. I haven't seen you before. Are you new? I'm Artem, he smiled and held out his hand to me.
“Snezhana,” I shook his hand.
— Nice to meet you, Snezha. I'll see you at school,” Artem said and left in the direction of the school.
I still didn't know how this clash would change my life.
September and October flew by like one day. School was good. I got to know Artem better. He studied parallel with me and was popular. Artem turned out to be a sweet and funny boy. We started to be friends, went out and went to the movies. I enjoyed spending time with him.
My parents went abroad and I invited my classmates to my house to spend the night. Karina, one of her classmates, decided to make a joke on a girl from a parallel class and took my phone to write a comment below her Instagram post. Alyona, a girl from a parallel class, took the joke with aggression. This was the first bell. Who would have thought then that harmless humor would ruin my life.
It is X day. As usual, we were walking in Artem's yard, and he invited me to meet. Of course I said yes. This was the second bell, and it was the last straw for my haters. Nothing has changed in Artem's life, but a lot has changed in mine.
There was a group at our school called “Overheard”. They anonymously posted gossip, nasty things, and just questions that people sent to an anonymous questionnaire. Once they posted nude photos of a high school student. The story was trivial: two friends decided to divorce the girl into intimate photos, taking advantage of her feelings and naivety. They thereby asserted themselves in front of their peers, and the girl's life was ruined. She had to change schools because they boycotted her, talked about her behind her back, and called her a hooker. People like to label things without understanding the situation.
When I arrived at school, I met my classmates who showed me that my old students had overheard photos from the fifth and sixth grades. It was the beginning of puberty, I had a lot of pimples and crooked teeth, which at that moment were already straightened out thanks to my braces. Everyone wrote rude comments and laughed at me. How did I feel at the time? Honestly? I felt like someone snuck into my room and didn't give a damn in the middle of it. It's rude, yeah, but I don't know how to describe my emotions at that moment in any other way. I pretended it didn't hurt me a bit and went to the toilet, where I cried the whole break. Now it was unbearably difficult for me to leave class because everyone was watching and laughing. After school, I met Masha, a friend from a parallel class.
- Snow, don't be upset. I've been through this too,” Masha told me.
— What do you mean? — I asked, restraining my emotions.
— Our class was also new last year, and our relations with the top six did not work out either. History has repeated itself to you, especially since you are meeting Artem. You just have to wait, she explained. The six was a group of girls that included Alyona, whom I already talked about earlier.
— What's wrong with Artem? — I was surprised.
Many girls like him, and in particular, Nastya, Alena's friend, has been in love with him for a long time. And then you showed up and took it from her, Masha sighed.
Artem decided for himself who to choose, I muttered, said goodbye to Masha and went home.
The following months were hell for me. Looking at all this now, I think that, of course, it was a kindergarten and I was too dramatic, but then I had no experience and was a child who found myself in such a situation for the first time. I didn't know anything about bullying, that this could happen to anyone, and I didn't know where to go for advice. I just didn't understand why or why. I thought I was a terrible person. Alyona tweeted me angry tweets, expressed a desire to hit me in a chair, refused to give me her jacket when she was on duty, there were lots of verbal fights, and much more. At school, I pretended to be resilient and able to fight back, and then I would come home and cry. Going to school was a pain. The relationship with Artem was not fun; he kept telling me to stop bullying the top six, and I would try to make excuses. I often thought that I was really behaving wrong and should not be visible.
That's what I did, but the more I tried to be invisible, the more attention I got. The conflict was growing. Artem left me, saying that I was fat. I was ready to breathe out, but the hatred for me didn't go away. The girls fought the war from a distance, but I was always afraid that I might fly in. Angry messages on the Internet kept pouring in. I thought I was worthless and fat, by the way, I wasn't fat, I just didn't meet Artem's standards. I didn't tell anyone about my problems, and I didn't even know who I could share it with. Nobody seemed to care about my problems. Mom didn't know anything. Now I know it's in vain. Breaking up with my boyfriend and fighting with girls ate me from the inside out. There were no emotions left; I could only cry and pretend that everything in life was super.
How did I get out of this vicious circle? The answer won't make you happy. I gave up. I offered peace and apologized to the offenders. Why did I do this? I just couldn't live like this anymore. I'm emotionally burned out. Would I change anything now? Yes. I wouldn't apologize because it wasn't my fault. Offenders choose a victim because of some of their beliefs. You can be a very good person, non-confrontational and kind, but you may not like someone just like you.
The most important thing is that I've learned from experience. I saw the world through different eyes. My garden was invaded and flowers were uprooted, but I got stronger. I built a brick fence around my garden, and now only my loved ones can enter, and sometimes only me. Six years have passed, but I still hear echoes of the past in my head. When I join a new team, I'm afraid that the situation might happen again. This is known as a trigger situation. Irritable factors resemble forgotten pain, make you feel fear and anxiety. I plan to work on the problem with a psychologist because sometimes it prevents me from living.
I'd like to give you some advice. Anyone who's in a similar situation. People can be very cruel. They don't realize how harmful words and actions can cause. It's all a game for them, but you can always make them play by their own rules. Don't lock yourself in. Talk about problems. Mom, friends, cat. Yes, a cat won't solve your problems, but you'll speak out and the problem won't eat you from within. Most importantly, remember that everyone deserves to feel safe and emotionally stable, and no one has the right to ruin another's life and organize bullying. It's not your fault that people attack, it's not your fault that someone doesn't like you, it's not your fault that someone doesn't like your choice. You are human, which means you have the right to a quiet life.
The conversation at the very beginning, of course, was not about the garden, but about the human soul. I think they have a lot in common. Our soul is a fragile place where we invest a lot of time and effort. No one has the right to come and trample on flowers just because they want to. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We are all equally worthy of respect and love.
Bullying is an important issue that I think we should talk about. Between 30 and 40 percent of children were bullied or were the instigators of bullying. Adults have no idea how terrible a child's society can be. They judge students' problems from the perspective of their problems, which is fundamentally wrong. For an adult, the situation may be nothing, but for a teenager who develops a psyche and self-esteem, who depends on the opinions of others, depends on his place in society, this is a tragedy. People do not always find the strength to survive bullying; some give up and withdraw into themselves.
It is not customary to talk about this. I urge you to talk about bullying in schools. Teachers and administration do not notice what is going on outside the classroom atmosphere, but often turn a blind eye to it. No one is safe from this as long as the problem is not talked about. School should be a place where children feel 100% safe. If we talk about this, we will be able to protect someone's mental or physical health. They should know that they are being heard and they should know that power and authority don't make them better and don't give them the right to humiliate others. Let's say no to team bullying together!
.png)
