At the end of January, a conversation on the topic “Bullying at school” took place in the Great Hall of the Library of Foreign Literature, which was attended by host and publicist Andrey Maksimov, teacher and publicist Irina Lukyanova, and Yevgeny Yamburg, Honored Teacher of the Russian Federation (a printout of this meeting is here:). I attended this meeting and noted that the only speaker who prepared for this difficult conversation was the teacher, writer, author of the book about bullying “The Glass Ball”, the author of the idea for a website and forum for parents with children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) http://adhd-kids.narod.ru/articles_treatment.html; www.sdvg-deti.com) Irina Lukyanova. It seemed to me that at the meeting she didn't have time to share everything she was going to tell the audience. And I invited Irina to comment on bullying at school on our website. The conversation lasted almost three hours. Both of us weren't in a hurry. Above us in the Children of Paradise cafe, a draft swayed the lamp ceiling, on the inside of which it was written in children's handwriting: “Petya+Lelya+Dima+Ira+Sveta = Lust”. “Sasha+Ira+David+Lera = Friendship”.
The causes and context of school bullying
Irina Lukyanova: I found it possible to participate in this discussion on bullying because I have been dealing with ADHD children for thirteen years, I am a mother of two and a schoolteacher myself. Parents with hyperactive children with attention deficit disorder come to me for help, and each specific situation has to be “resolved” taking into account the individual characteristics of the child and the current situation in the family and in the classroom. Bullying has a very ancient history. Remember the Old Testament prophet Elisha, whom the children called “bald”, but they cursed them and “two bears came out of the forest and tore them to pieces forty-two children” (2 Kings 2:23-24 — approx. Nevskaya). The scene itself is absolutely horrible — although you can imagine how many children there were who mocked the prophet if “out of them” forty-two children were torn to pieces...
What do this and other events in ancient and recent history tell us? It is human nature to reject the “other”. Bullying manifests this biological principle in humans.
Daria Nevskaya: Maybe this is precisely the reason why people do not recognize the existence of the problem of harassment and bullying in the workplace or among adolescents? I often find that people don't admit that they have been bullied or watched from the sidelines at least once in their life—as a child or as an adult. They most often look surprised and say about the same text: “What are you saying? I've never seen this before. And my kids are doing well at school.” I have an idea about this reaction. A person, admitting a problem, is afraid to “let the genie out of the bottle”, namely, to identify a “latent persecutor”, a “victim of persecution”, or an “observer” who, with his aggressive behavior, victimization or non-intervention, once destroyed someone's life. And sometimes my interlocutors treat the topic of “bullying” as if they were talking about a serious illness: “Oh, let's not talk about unpleasant things.”
I.L.: They think: “If I didn't see it, it means it doesn't exist at all.” But just because a person has never broken his arms and legs does not mean that it won't happen to him tomorrow on a slippery street. We haven't seen a live echidna, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's the same with bullying. Bullying can affect anyone at any time of life. There is no need to deny prison and bag, and, let's add, bullying. We just need to know that this phenomenon exists in our lives and be ready for it. Sometimes I write about unpleasant phenomena in articles and see that people sometimes comment on them like this: “the author is depressed”, “the author sees everything in a black light”, “the author needs treatment, not throw everything on the forum”, “the author slander our reality”... But if a person sees only good things, this is also not a healthy reaction. Remember the works of great Russian writers: their sick conscience could not keep silent about what was going on around them. I understand perfectly well that a person wants joy. The notorious Facebook “cats” remind us that there is a place in life for pure joy — fluffy and kind. And all these flowers, snowy landscapes, puppies.. You can't ignore them, otherwise why live? What should we strive for if we do not take into account the presence of joy and happiness in our lives? But not recognizing the other side of our lives means not accepting life itself.
D.N.: I also think that not admitting the existence of this problem means following the lead of public opinion, which usually directs its accusing sting towards the victim of persecution, saying that it was her own fault that she was raped — she wore a short skirt; it was her own fault that she was fired and harassed at work — she stuck out.
I.L.: “It's my own fault” - this is what the built-in protection mechanism says. When we say “it's my own fault”, we're conjuring “blind fate”. At this point, we think that nothing like this can happen to us, we are “in the house” - we don't wear short skirts, we don't paint our lips with bright lipstick, we don't stick out, we don't want a promotion...
D.N.: I absolutely agree. This is reminiscent of Titanic syndrome. The year of its premiere, the same people saw a record number of times this film visited the cinema. At the time, I already thought that it wasn't so much about high-quality movies with good, handsome actors, but about the fact that people liked to feel safe and secure in a warm popcorn cinema over and over again just when the Titanic was sinking into water.
Irina, let's talk about bullying (mobbing/bullying) at school now. What important issues could you outline here?
I.L.: In each specific situation, as I have already said, you need to “dig” in all areas: work with the child, with the teacher, with the school administration, with parents, with other children and their parents. It is necessary to combine all efforts and, above all, the efforts of adults. But most often, unfortunately, people unite “against” someone, not “for” someone. I've come across cases where parents wrote a general letter to the school administration to get “that disgusting” child with ADHD or some other behavioral problems thrown out of class. At the same time, no one takes into account what happens to such a child who “gets in the way”. Even when a child is aggressive, his behavior is based on unhappiness. The child has psychological and physical problems associated with an unfavorable situation in the family, physical and psychological problems. And instead of delving into these problems and solving them together, we are often faced with unprofessional teachers who do not know how to deal with a difficult child, what methods can be used to achieve discipline in the classroom, how to work with the child's parents and other students who bully children. Where there is no professionalism or where rules, statutes, laws and regulations do not work, all such difficult situations are resolved “by concept”. We must be aware that every school has its own society, which copies the structure of public societies. A school can be organized according to the principles of a democratic state, and then you can go there to solve problems with teachers and the administration, and there are schools in which the command and administrative style of management prevails and are likely to either ignore a particular child's problem or try to neutralize it or get rid of the child. Our society is riddled with violence from top to bottom. We live in a country where violence is socially approved. And if the school does not actively oppose this aggressive attitude of society, the school environment will be shaped in the image and likeness of the public environment. It's good if the school is small, encourages respect for the personality of the student and teacher, and the principal knows all students by name. What if this is a trendy “school complex” of four schools with 6,000 children in a remote area of Moscow? Moreover, some teachers use the bullying situation to “divide and conquer”, while some just shrug helplessly. And even a teacher who is ready to support an offended child is often unable to change anything because he is not trained to professionally resolve a conflict situation.
D.N.: Ira, have you heard about cases of uniting adults — teachers or parents — opposing mobbing/bullying?
I.L.: There have been such cases. Fifth graders “hammered out” to “figure it out like a kid” with their classmate. After learning about these negotiations, one of the parents turned to the other parents for support, and they all came to school together to find out why the children in the classroom were acting like bandits from the nineties movie. The intervention of a group of parents is more effective than fighting alone. And another case where adult intervention helped. One boy “played too much” with neo-Nazism, called non-Russian children in class chocks, and urged them to beat “neros”. Then male teachers of different nationalities got together and came to the boy's classroom and suggested that he start hitting them right now. The boy stopped throwing nationalist slogans: it did not bring him any popularity or respect from others.
D.N.: It is possible to stop the illegal actions of an ideological mobber, but much more time should be spent on “correcting” him. When, as part of the Moschino IMHO project, I was discussing the film “Experiment 2: The Wave” with teenagers, I came across the opinion of a teenager who liked the “ideology” of “The Wave”. At the same time, I realized that he was just the apple from the apple tree. He found himself on the side of totalitarian society and “power”, and I saw deeper psychological reasons for this. Perhaps he was forced to respect his “fist” at the time, but now he is ready to transfer his experience to others.
Mobbing at school: what are parents entitled to?
D.N.: Irina, let's move on to the specific situations faced by parents whose children are bullied. What would you recommend that parents do first?
I.L.: I will try to give an “algorithm” for these actions.
1. Find out exactly what's going on and who exactly is involved.
2. The parent talks peacefully with the teacher — not in the tone of “what's so disgraceful about you?” , and something like this: “we noticed that this is happening”, “could you help us”, “I would like to consult you”. This should be a conversation without “hitting” and in a calm tone. Already at this level of conflict resolution, you will understand whether the teacher is aggressively defending himself, claiming that “you have a terrible child you don't raise” and the classroom is full of “idiots and morons” or is able to act together with you. If we managed to reach an agreement, we will try to solve the problem together with the students and their parents; it is better if the teacher acts as an intermediary here.
If we could not reach an agreement with the teacher, then we move on to another level.
3. Parents go to the school administration and try to have a heart-to-heart talk with the principal, establish contact and interaction. Again, a friendly, trusting tone is important here. But you can go there right away with an application addressed to the school principal, which describes the situation in detail. After the conversation, leave the application at school, and a copy for yourself. The school is required to respond to all applications and letters.
Usually, interaction works best in small schools, where everyone knows each other, where the principal knows every child. As a rule, such small schools have a well-established mechanism for interaction between children, parents, teachers and administration. And in such schools, children are usually engaged in some activities that unite them — trips, theater, excursions, projects. But if children are left to their own devices at school and run away right after school, or if it's a huge complex with a large number of students and buildings, it can be very difficult to interact. You might hear that the principal has 6,000 students, a thousand teachers, and is unable to personally ensure the safety of a particular child in a particular class. If it is not possible to reach an agreement, it makes sense to translate the interaction into writing. But if you do not hope for the success of the peace talks, you can immediately come in with a written statement.
4. If it is not possible to reach an agreement with the administration, the parents submit an application to the director, which contains a link to the Education Act of the Russian Federation.
(See :Article 41. Student health protection: 8) ensuring the safety of students while staying in an organization engaged in educational activities...
Article 34. The basic rights of students and measures for their social support and incentives 1. Students are granted academic rights to: 9) respect for human dignity, protection from all forms of physical and mental violence, personal insults, protection of life and health...
Article 28 (paragraphs 6 and 7), paragraph 6: An educational organization is obliged to carry out its activities in accordance with legislation on education, including: 1) ensuring the full implementation of educational programs, the quality of students' training meets the established requirements, the forms, means, methods of teaching and education used comply with the age, psychophysical characteristics, inclinations, abilities, interests and needs of students; 2) create safe conditions for the training, upbringing, supervision and care of students by students, their maintenance in accordance with established norms that ensure the life and health of students and employees of an educational organization; 3) respect the rights and freedoms of students, parents (legal representatives) of underage students, and employees of an educational organization.
Item 7. An educational organization is responsible in accordance with the procedure established by the legislation of the Russian Federation for failure to perform or improper performance of functions within its competence, for the incomplete implementation of educational programs in accordance with the curriculum, the quality of education of its graduates, as well as for the lives and health of students and employees of an educational organization. For violating or illegally restricting the right to education and the rights and freedoms of students, parents (legal representatives) of underage students under education legislation, or violating the requirements for organizing and carrying out educational activities, an educational organization and its officials are administratively liable in accordance with the Code of Administrative Offences of the Russian Federation).
And in this statement, parents must demand that the school administration strictly comply with the provisions of the Education Act and ensure the child's physical and mental safety. If this measure is not effective, then you should apply to higher authorities with all your applications, and this is the next step. Then, if you decide to fight to the end, you can sue.
D.N.: Ira, don't you think that after these measures, the child's situation at school will only get worse? It's just scary to leave a child there. Most likely, he will be bullied by the school itself, which will be interested in getting rid of the “difficult” child and scandalous parents?
I.L.: Of course, you can't leave a child in a “toxic” environment. But sometimes the situation is fixable and is linked to the actions of one teacher out of ten, or several students, who can and should be called to order. But if this is the first teacher in elementary school, then maybe it makes sense to look for another teacher or a different school rather than fight against it. Let us assess the situation on a case-by-case basis. And also — assess your resource, your child's resource and the school's ability to negotiate. As long as it is possible to negotiate, this must be done. If you can't reach an agreement, you can try to resolve the conflict by legal means. But it is necessary to weigh the risks and benefits of this step.
Mobbing at school: school responsibilities
D.N.: Ira, what resources does the school have when its administration does meet parents halfway?
I.L.: There are many opportunities: to transfer the child to another parallel or to another subject teacher. Sometimes it's enough to change the subject teacher, and mobbing in the classroom comes to naught. If it seems that the teacher is systematically underestimating grades, it is possible to conduct an independent assessment of the child. It is possible to transfer a student to distance learning in this “conflicting” subject with final certification from another teacher; you can invite parents to use the form of family education. All these actions require the goodwill of the school administration and teachers who will transfer the child to an individual curriculum, consider the certification procedure, and agree to work together with parents. Distance and family education is good for children who are called “botanists”. They are often bullied and have difficulties communicating, but they study well on their own; parents don't have to stand above their hearts for hours. Maybe in this case letting the child stay at home instead of traumatizing him at school every day is much better.
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