“It's all over. A lot of water has flowed since then, and a lot has changed. I'm living my own life. And I'm doing fine,” you may be saying, several years after my injury. Think about how often, when you hear about psychological abuse or the victim's feelings, you think, “Oh, poor people, they're feeling bad right now. And it's all in the past for me.” But is this really the case? How easy is it to throw you off balance when someone says kind words about your persecutor in front of you? Or how often do you wake up frustrated after facing your abuser in a dream?
For a long time, the shadows of the past continue to prevent you from enjoying the present. And then, to get away from obsessive thoughts and memories, some people begin to seek protection in religion. They use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid or avoid unresolved emotional problems and psychological wounds. Sometimes people use spiritual practices to rise above the grey and muddy side of our humanity before fully coming to terms with it. However, trying to go beyond our psychological and emotional problems by avoiding meeting them is dangerous.
The basic human wound that prevails in the modern world is formed around the feeling that we are not loved or loved as much as we deserve. The inadequate love that one of us may have received as a child causes a wound to the nervous system. And once we absorb how we were raised, our ability to value ourselves, which is also the foundation for our ability to value others, becomes flawed. However, not wanting to return to old traumas and re-experience those feelings, a person runs away not only from the past, but also from the present.
The first thing we might think of when we mention running away from ourselves is joining a religious group — a sect. However, a person can escape from reality not only to a sect, but also to a traditional religion.
One day a woman came to see me who had been attending a Protestant church for five years. She tried to participate in church activities, follow the rules, and attend all services (participate in worship, fast, etc.). But all these years she felt overwhelmed, and every time the church heard words about forgiveness of sins and a joyful life, she pretended to accept them wholeheartedly, but inwardly she judged herself for feeling bad. She sincerely believed that the reason for her dissatisfaction was that she was not participating enough in church activities. This prompted her to delve even further into the teachings of the group she considered herself to be part of.
This woman's feelings revolved in circles, gaining momentum. As a result of our conversations, this woman came to the conclusion that she had been diligently cornering herself, in the hope that performing the rituals would help her completely change her life and let go of the past. And as soon as she began to listen more to her inner voice and began to allow herself to feel the feelings (pain, anger, guilt, fear, etc.) that she had previously suppressed in herself, her state of health began to change. Of course, she had to face difficult experiences, but it was through this that she was able to come to her true self and live a real life. Now she continues to attend church, but with greater awareness and inner harmony.
Perhaps you still hate your former offenders. The belief that you will become weaker without this hatred is the last bastion, whose impregnable walls hide true feelings, the authentic experience of life — everything that once formed your personality until you were psychologically abused. The walls of this fortress are built out of anxiety, distorted perception of reality, guilt and psychological dependence. Well, only you are the builder and architect of these invisible walls. It is important to dare to look at the root of avoidance by looking into the depths of your consciousness. And, if you started attending a religious church/group after your injury, try to answer the following questions honestly:
By answering these questions honestly, you have already taken a bold step towards changing your life. And you can decide what role a church/religious group plays in your life. Is it a tool you need to escape from past negative experiences, or is the church the backbone from which qualitative changes in your life begin?
If you don't “go” to church but “walk away” from your negative feelings, now is the time to meet them and let yourself live them. Find someone who will support you on this journey and help you complete it to the end. Share your feelings with someone you trust.
Choose one of the hundreds of opportunities the world has to offer you. Now that you understand your motives and inner feelings that accompany your actions, you can do it more consciously.
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