I would like to present to your attention a presentation that I created for training with Moscow counselors as part of the Moscow Leader. It's time for summer camps, and every year my parents tell me stories about children who have become outcasts or bullied in one camp or another. And I've never heard my parents mention that the counselors themselves told their parents about the problem or helped me solve it. And this is understandable. Read my article on our website, which appeared on the basis of a survey of young counselors: “Counselors about counselors, or A shift has a beginning, but a shift has no end.”
Our counselors often do not know how to prevent and stop bullying, because they themselves played almost all the “roles” in a mobbing situation in their childhood, from which they got out on their own or with the help of friends, but almost never with the help of adults. I would like counselors to undergo anti-mobbing training every year. For the past two years, I haven't received an invitation from the Moscow Leader and I don't know if anyone is working with counselors on this issue. But it is necessary to work. Last year, a boy he knew had to solve the problem of bullying in Artek himself. A guy annoyed him and the rest of the guys in the room: he walked on the beds in shoes, opened the window when everyone was cool to sleep, and poured water on the children's bed. And after repeated warnings, my ward had to hit him. He stopped harassing the guys for a while, and then the situation resumed, when my young friend had to use force again. The last time the offender was hit in the nose quite hard and he even had to call a doctor. The counselors were aware of the situation in the room but did not intervene until the last fight took place. Everyone in the room supported the teenager who protected them.
What picture of the world do they have? The truth is on the side of those who use force. And you should not seek help from adults — you need to solve such situations yourself with the use of force. If counselors started each session by discussing the rules of conduct in the camp, including the mandatory mobbing/bullying clause, if the counselors' attitude to this problem was voiced at the beginning of the shift, measures and ways to overcome bullying were discussed, and the children were warned, the boys in that room could have a chance to turn to the counselor for help, rather than engage in arbitrariness. A broken nose probably won't affect that kid's behavior in any way. Perhaps he will conclude that he also needs to use his fists on any occasion, because the truth is on the side of the strongest. If we don't teach our children to negotiate and settle the situation with words, they will get used to solving everything with their fists. It is important that the camp administration does not keep silent about these situations and prevent them. And my presentation should help summer camp counselors and administrators learn how to prevent and overcome teenage mobbing/bullying at an early stage. The cases I'm analyzing here were provided to me by counselors.
A new team is gathering and there is very little time to learn.
Guys judge each other by their first appearance or appearance.
This “effect” of first perception determines the further “acceptance” or “rejection” of the child by the squad.
A hierarchy within the squad/room is established very quickly.
It is necessary to get to know children very quickly and understand who is “capable” of what.
It's the right way to get to know the guys.
Learn as much as you can about what they like and don't like to do, what they do best.
Identify the “leader” and possible “outsider” of the squad.
Watch closely the formation of friendly groups and the actions of the “leader”/“leaders”.
Make friends with the “leader” and the “outsider”. Assign them specific missions and empower them.
Counselors are often unable to keep in touch with parents.
Counselors create an impression of the child from the child's words and his first manifestations.
Counselors need to make decisions very quickly to prevent the development of mobbing/bullying.
The counselor is faced with a bullying situation for the first time and does not know how to act.
As a child, the counselor himself was a participant in bullying in one of the roles — aggressor, assistant to the aggressor, victim, victim assistant, observer. And he will be guided by his experience or not do anything; he will close himself, because he received psychological trauma as a child and has not reworked it.
Questionnaires
A general conversation is an acquaintance, a heart-to-heart conversation about cooperation, about who can and wants to do what.
An individual conversation with each child (can take place during the entire shift in several stages).
Talking to parents about the child.
Especially pay attention to the condition of children with special needs, ask them and their parents what they like to do the most, and give them assignments that would suit their inclinations.
Pay special attention to the children at risk - all those who are different from the rest.
What should a counselor do to be the first to learn about squad bullying
In the first conversation, tell the children what mobbing is, remember books/movies they could read/see, and clearly state their position on the problem, warning them that they would not allow the vacation to be ruined.
Establish trusting relationships with active children and those who like to receive assignments.
Talk about yourself when you meet. And, in particular, about my difficulties, which I had to overcome as a child, and about successfully overcoming them.
Friends and older comrades who trust help to draw the children's attention to the fact that so many people of their age all over the world find themselves in this situation and help them get out of it, so writers are writing books about this.
Clearly formulate the idea that children will be able to share all their problems with him, he will help solve them.
Show and discuss social videos about overcoming bullying among teenagers.
Perhaps, together with the children, write the Camp Rules of Conduct, after discussing all the provisions, and hang the Rules in a prominent place. It must contain a clause stating “we are against physical and emotional violence, against persecution, against discrimination”.
How to tell if a child is being bullied
The child is withdrawn, depressed, whiny.
The baby can't concentrate.
The child often throws a blanket over his head or hides somewhere, is on the sidelines.
The child does not make contact well and does not answer questions.
The child is not congratulated on his birthday.
Nobody wants to be friends with a child or even be a couple.
The child is often laughed at.
The child is ashamed of new things and is afraid to attract attention with a new backpack or jacket, a new hairstyle.
A child's things are often ruined, or he too often “loses” them.
The child has frequent headaches or stomach pain. He sometimes freezes in fear, holding his breath.
The child refuses to take part in activities.
She tries to stay close to adults.
The main skills of a counselor
The ability to see and hear by watching children's words and actions.
Ability to assess non-verbal communication.
Ability to speak confidentially with children.
The ability to be sensitive and tact when dealing with children, not bringing to the general conversation what can be said face to face.
The ability to react quickly without delaying the reaction “until later”.
The ability to become an authoritative person and an older friend for children in a short time.
The child doesn't want to do what the whole squad does. He prefers to read or go for a walk alone or with a friend, replying to the counselor that he has “come to rest”.
Counselor actions (choose the right answers):
The 9-year-old boy did not want to participate in the life of the squad. He wasn't interested in anything and didn't help the kids. One day, he started collecting snails, putting them in jars and feeding them. And this process really captured him. They started poisoning him with the whole squad because the snails spread and frightened other children. A conflict broke out, and there was harassment. The boy rested and didn't want to get into the position of those who didn't like waking up with a snail on their pillow. It is not the child's fault in this situation.
What should a counselor do in this situation?
The counselor finds out that the squad doesn't like one girl and tries to get her to move to another squad or move to another room.
What should a counselor do in this situation?
If the squad has children of a different skin color or simply Others, unlike the others, and the squad begins to ignore and abuse them, then the counselor must explain to the children in the squad what discrimination means. Recall historical examples. Talk about victims of discrimination around the world. To mention that there are special international days in the world: International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, International Migrants Day, International Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Slave Trade and its Abolition, International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination.
And the most important thing a counselor should convey to the children is that discrimination based on race and gender is already beyond mobbing. Articles on discrimination are part of criminal law and such prosecution is punishable all over the world (and parents will be responsible for their discriminatory actions). And modern people, in the context of the rapid development of NTP, are ashamed and unworthy to persecute other people for their religion, skin color, sexual orientation, and physical disabilities, as was the case in past centuries, when the level of human development was not yet so high.
In a situation where the counselor is unable to cope with repeated bullying in the squad, they should contact the shift or camp leader and tell them that teenage bullying is taking place. When talking to the camp administration and parents, it is better to use the terms “mobbing” and “bullying”.
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