The situation of mobbing/bullying in a children's camp is different from that of bullying at school or in a sports team. Counselors sometimes do not have the opportunity to contact parents and resolve issues together. They must act very quickly to prevent mobbing from developing in the squad. While flight attendants and nurses are taught to act in emergency situations involving aggressive actions by patients or passengers, counselors often make decisions at their own risk, based on their personal experience of bullying at school or summer camp. But some guys, fortunately, may not have that experience. It is quite obvious that all counselors should be guided by the recommendations of psychologists and specialists in mobbing/bullying. That is why it is so important to regularly conduct anti-mobbing trainings for counselors, educators and psychologists. And I cannot but be pleased with the Moscow City Tour's initiative to include this complex topic in the Leader's classes.
During my first meeting with counselors at the Leader, I conducted a survey of the audience and would like to share its results, which confirmed my concerns and assumptions. I found that guys who were repeatedly faced with persecution and bullying as children extrapolate their experience to situations that arise in the squad. And considering that some counselors suffered psychological trauma as children, the consequences of which may not have been overcome, it will be very difficult for them to cope with outbreaks of child or adolescent bullying. At best, they will ignore these outbursts of childish anger and aggression so that they don't even think about going back to a time when they themselves felt like outcasts.
I often hear the following opinion: we have “no mobbing” at all, either these are exceptional situations, or, conversely, are common for children's groups, and that there is no need to do anything, saying, “it will resolve itself”. After analyzing the results of the counselor questionnaire and talking to the counselors who needed my support after class because they were bullied as children and were very sensitive to what I talked about at the Leader, I was once again convinced how dangerous an untreated trauma and self-rejection are. It will remind you of itself for a long time and will influence relationships with people around you.
Teenage bullying spreads as metastases in children's organismal groups and often makes itself felt in adulthood, when people must be able to make decisions for themselves, take responsibility for themselves and their actions, and be able to protect themselves. An adult, of course, should be able to do all this, but a red light burns in his brain as a reminder of the consequences of wanting to be himself, not to put up with injustice and to protect himself and his friends from attacks by mocking aggressors. This red light will continue to hold him back whenever he needs to make a quick decision, make the right choice, argue, defend his point of view, and finally protect others who find themselves in a situation of bullying. But how can you do this when fear paralyzes you and the past won't let go?
In order to overcome the consequences of bullying, you need to talk about this topic with someone you trust and, gradually freeing yourself and processing your experience, involve as many people as possible — parents, educators, psychologists, children and adolescents — in this conversation. And even working with children and solving their problems should help counselors finally say goodbye to their doubts and fears caused by their childhood and teenage bullying.
Let's look at the results of the questionnaire together, try to assess the situation related to information about mobbing/bullying in our society, and answer the question: is mobbing/bullying widespread among children and adolescents? Seventy percent of the counselors surveyed are students of the Central School of Moscow Counselors who are just learning to be counselors. They are yesterday's students and current students.
I read 46 questionnaires from Moscow counselors aged 18-20.
To the first question in the questionnaire about when and under what circumstances they heard the concepts of “mobbing/bullying”, 35 respondents answered what they heard and learned right before my lecture from information from the Moscow City Tour. And 11 respondents had encountered terms before — at psychology lectures at universities, encountered social ads, saw articles on the Internet, heard song lyrics, one person read Konrad Lorenz's book “Aggression”, two people encountered the concept of bullying in high school, and one person had heard about mobbing/bullying at school counselors.
To the second question, “At what age and under what circumstances did you experience violence and bullying among teenagers?” all 46 respondents answered that they had encountered each other at school. There were only discrepancies in the indication of age/grade (from grade 3 to grade 11) and the “role” that young people had to play in the bullying situation. There was also a separate question about “roles”, the answers to which are of particular interest. The question specified the “roles” that boys and girls have played during their lives when they found themselves in a situation of bullying. The following answers were proposed: “victim”, “aggressor”, “observer”, “assistant to the aggressor”, “assistant to the victim”. 24 respondents were “victims”, 12 were “aggressors”, 32 were “observers”, 11 were “assistants to the aggressor”, and 22 were “victim assistants”. One person wrote that he “did not participate” and one that he was the one “who tried to stop it all.” 9 people were in the “shoes” of a victim and an “aggressor”, which is understandable from a psychological point of view. 19 respondents tried on more than three images, which indicates that they have often faced a situation of bullying in their lives.
When asked under what circumstances you sought help, young people only listed parents in eight cases, and three teachers they had to turn to for help. Some respondents thought this question was about their experience as a counselor, and 6 people said they had sought help from a senior counselor or other counselors. The vast majority have coped and are coping with the bullying situation alone.
The counselors openly answered the question of how they managed to cope with the bullying situation. However, here too, some counselors realized that this was about their personal overcoming experience, while others responded based on their experience in the camp. Some respondents intervened in the bullying situation at school and helped victims of mobbing by negotiating with the aggressors or simply acted as “support and support for the victim”. Someone bitterly admitted that “personal experience ended with a certificate from a neurologist and six months of treatment.” Some of the guys tried to “not let them through themselves”, “not answer anything in their situation, and talk about this in the squad” or “close down” or “ignore”. Someone built their own defense strategy and shared it with friends: “At the age of 13, I got out of the situation on my own, made it clear that I couldn't live with me and the opponent was giving up. I also recommend that when he is a victim, my friends often remind themselves that he plays a major role in life and defends his freedom.” One of the guys admitted that he had to become an aggressor himself in order to overcome the bullying situation in which he acted as a victim. The guys practiced ignoring aggressors and using “ha ha jokes”, “changing the environment” and “preventing physical violence”.
These short and honest answers hide intense anxiety, fear, and tears. The guys know what it's like to be an outcast, and sometimes they still can't look at this situation from the outside. The results of this survey disappointed me and, at the same time, encouraged me. I see that young people are talking sensibly about bullying. Their advice and experience of “experienced” and “overcome” may be useful for children in the squad.
I also enjoyed their knowledge of books and films about teenage bullying. The questionnaires named the following books and their adaptations, films and cartoons that they associate with bullying and persecution: “The Scarecrow”, “Tom and Jerry”, “Well, wait!” , “Everyone dies and I'll stay”, “Telekinesis”, “Replacement Teacher”, “The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas”, “Pass the Next One”, “My First Teacher”, “Crime and Punishment”, “Class”, “Bury Me Behind the Baseboard”, “Harry Potter”, “Cinderella”, “Sabrina”, “The Little Witch”, “Gasta” The Duckling”, “Lord of the Flies”, “Correction Class”, “To Kill a Mockingbird”, “Carrie”, “Cook”, “Shadow Thief”. Moo-mu, Bridge to Terabithia, School, Home for Peculiar Children, The Geographer Drank His Globe Away, Smrerty Academy, Forest Gump. The counselors have made a good selection and their recommendations can be used to work with children in the squad.
But not all counselors know exactly how to discuss bullying movies and books with children so as not to frighten or dramatize the situation, but talk about it in such a way as to show children possible ways out of it. And they always exist, but you just need to talk about this with the guys honestly and professionally. And this can also be taught to counselors at trainings dedicated to working with children's literature and films for teenagers. Of course, answers to questions about movies and books revealed one problem that is quickly being resolved. Counselors are completely unaware of modern children's and teenage literature, which contains wonderful stories and describes behavioral scenarios that people working with children simply need.
I assume that counselors are children themselves until recently and they find it strange that adult readers may be interested in children's and teenage literature. Meanwhile, modern children's literature is trending now! And mobbingu.net has a list of anti-mobbing books that is constantly updated. I myself read new books with great interest and discuss them with teachers, teachers and parents. A good book can bring a withdrawn child into conversation and give him hope that everything will end well and, most importantly, that this situation is not his fault — many people around the world found themselves in it at his age.
During my lecture at the Vozhatoria, I heard several stories from the guys, which, of course, require more thorough analysis. I will offer some of them as case studies at my next training sessions. And I hope that counselors will continue to share their stories that will help us collect information about the most common situations of mobbing/bullying in children's camps. These situations are usually stereotypical, although their resolution requires an individual approach, taking into account all the circumstances. I would like to share one such story from a counselor and invite you to think about what he should do. I offer my solution, but my readers may have another opinion that I would be happy to hear and present it to counselors at our next classes.
The 9-year-old boy did not want to participate in the life of the squad. He wasn't interested in anything and didn't help the kids. One day, he started collecting snails, putting them in jars, feeding them. And this process really captured him. It would be possible to use the child's interest so that he could present his knowledge and the results of the spontaneous “experiment” to other children. But they started poisoning him with the whole squad because snails were spreading around the rooms and scaring other children. I suggested that the counselors look at this situation from a different angle.
The children had to be told that the boy was interested in snails and, perhaps, in the future would become a scientist who would study snail brains and their habitat. You could ask him to prepare a story about snails for the squad, show them what they eat, what mark they leave on their hands, and why this mucus is used in cosmetology. You could give your child a chance to be proud of his new hobby and the fact that no one knows how to handle snails better than he does. And he would be proud of himself and, most likely, listen to a counselor who could suggest that he close the jars with gauze and elastic bands and limit the number of snails. Yes, the whole squad, after all, could think about what to do to prevent them from spreading. It was even possible to declare Snail Day in the squad. Instead, a conflict broke out in the squad and was about to be harassed.
The boy rested and didn't want to get into the position of those who didn't like waking up with a snail on their pillow. It is not the child's fault in this situation. And it wasn't the squad's fault. In these situations of disobedience and aggression, adults are most often to blame; they are unable to stop conflicts in time and do not know how to channel children's negative energy into beneficial interaction that allows everyone to “present themselves” within their capabilities.
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