I'm still not going to upload new videos on my YouTube channel about mobbing. Meanwhile, people continue to subscribe to my mobbingu.net channel and watch it. And I found that the video “How to respond to boorish attacks from your boss and work colleagues” got the most views - 18740. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsAtOLYuVXQ&t=14s And it didn't surprise me at all... People most often face manifestations of rudeness and aggression in the professional environment and in the workplace. And it doesn't matter whether it's a work house, an office, a hospital, a university or a research institute. Everywhere you can find people who will rot others, taking advantage of their official position or the fact that they are not resisted. Reading Facebook posts and comments about workplace humiliation, I wonder why adults can't stand up for themselves even in the simplest situations when you need to give a firm but polite resistance to boorish or boorish - just answer with eye contact? Why do people get lost in such situations more often and “eat” everything they get from emotional abusers and impudent people? Here is an illustrative example from a comment on my video and analyze it (comment punctuation is preserved): “Thanks for the tip. I can also give such advice. Here's a specific example: the former chief physician of my polyclinic, who had already been dismissed, started finding fault why I don't say hello to her every time I see her, despite the fact that you can see her even 5 times a day. She makes me say hello to her “again” in front of everyone, what should I do in the situation with this tyrant? Send her to Laura deaf? And why should I, an adult woman with a good education, adapt to this aunt's idiotic personal wishes?! What to do, what exactly to answer in such idiotic situations?” I would like to note right away the commenter's boorish attack on me, which started the question. I noticed that stupefied people often don't even distinguish between rudeness and “just this way of communicating”. Therefore, let's imagine that a person, being attacked, accumulating resentment and unable to respond, after a while ceases to feel the aggressive nature of the message of his oral or written statement, taking it as the “norm”. I often come across comments of this kind that show that they were written by hardened “victims of aggression”. How many times in my life have I come across intelligent people who get muddled, asked by their family or superiors, and start behaving in exactly the same way: yelling about anything, bickering or being rude right away. However, this aggression often applies not to those on whom these people depend in their families or at work, but to those who “passed by” or, in turn, depend on themselves. This is a chain reaction that almost always works - the crushed tend to press down others. The comments on my video are striking in their infantilism. It seems that it is not an adult who is complaining about his employer, but a child complains about his aunt who made the remark. The author of the comment, “an adult woman with a good education”, perhaps even a doctor, did not find what to say in such an “idiotic situation”. It is quite obvious that she wouldn't have been fired if she had found the right words for the right answer and the right intonation, but her self-esteem would not have been affected. A person feels great satisfaction when he resists any attempt to violate his borders. A person whose boundaries are constantly violated, as a rule, accumulates dissatisfaction with himself and his behavior, but spreads this feeling of displeasure to the whole world. It's not easy to admit to yourself that you're the one who eats insults and rudeness; you yourself have never resisted. Please note that the comment was written after the chief physician was dismissed. So we could already “boldly” complain about this “idiotic” situation.” What does this mean? The fact that the commentator was afraid of her all this time, while the chief physician was working. And she only breathed a sigh after she was fired. It was necessary to ask for help when it was still possible to maintain self-esteem and raise self-esteem. What way out of the situation would I offer her then.” What prevents you from politely and smiling every time answering “We've already seen each other...”. And when she starts scolding you, you can look you in the eye and joke off: “As a child, I was taught to say hello once, when you meet a person for the first time in a day. I'm used to doing this, like washing my hands before eating. I have learned both from childhood and will never be able to break them.” People like this chief physician usually act in such a way as to keep subordinates in suspense and fear. And your friendly answer with a smile, a straight back and an “eye to eye” look should signal to her that you are not afraid of her. Repeated reactions to aggression - responding in the same way as a “broken record”, talking “in chorus” with the aggressor - often discourage the aggressor from repeating his attacks and silence him. And learn to react right away, preventing your fear and doubt from turning around and getting stronger. Give it a try. Take action!” I am very sorry that I could not give this advice to the lady at a time when she was going through unpleasant moments. The chief physician left, but she still felt dissatisfied. This feeling lowers self-esteem. And, the more such facts, the more likely a person is to become a “chronic victim”. And specialists, psychologists and psychotherapists, should already work with “chronic victims”. I talk about why you can't get used to violence in another video, which has only 760 views, which is not surprising. As a rule, everyone knows that you can't get used to violence. Why listen to the obvious? It's all clear as it is. People are waiting for “recipes” to get rid of rude bosses and screaming colleagues, preferring to stay at their jobs for various reasons and not offering them any resistance. In this video, I'm talking about a letter that came to mobbingu.net from a person who is 16 (!) they have been bullying at the workplace for years. He gave examples of stereotypical persecution and presented us with the image of A.A. Bashmachkin of our time. In this case, even the site's consultant, psychotherapist Taras Ivashchenko, could not help him find arguments to quit his shameful job. But even Akaki Bashmachkin, as you remember, managed to stand up for himself several times - during his lifetime and after his death. Of course, it's better to make it in time during your lifetime. It is also very important to be able to protect yourself in order to someday stand up for another person - a colleague, a friend and your own child. Not everyone “humiliated and insulted” can do this. And in order not to become a victim, it is important for a child to have an example of a worthy answer or act by an adult who has protected both himself and others.
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