Girls are generally not trained to defend their own boundaries. While they are young and still doing well, their parents rarely tell them how to behave in dangerous situations and how to act. And then the parents, confused by the teenager's good behavior and friendly environment, forget to talk about the dangers that the girl may face outside of school. It is the parents' fault that our children are not aware of possible dangers and do not know how to act. We love it when everything is fine, we are willing to turn a blind eye to what is being put out of the box with our ideas about the norm, and we don't like to make “negative models”. We raise obedient girls who have no idea how to contradict their dad, mom, grandmother or teacher. Most families are not allowed to express their negative emotions strongly. Girls are required to be obedient lambs - to study well, to be able to cook, read in the evenings, pray before going to bed and not contradict their parents. Apparently, it is believed that a child's compliance with the parental idea of the norm should protect him from evil and violence. And if the girl keeps all this, she will never find herself in a situation where a physical education teacher gently slaps her on the ass, and a physics teacher puts her on his lap, and during her student years, one of the venerable pundits will invite her to his home to work on her diploma together and put her on the sofa in his office. Apparently, the girl's good behavior should rule out the very possibility of such situations. According to many parents, this can only happen to bad, ill-mannered girls who provoke their uncles themselves. And their good ones will never make history with a supervisor practicing with excellent BDSM students.
Remember when you talked to your girls about what they should do if someone dared to break their boundaries? Did any of you tell girls aged 12-13 about pedophiles and libertines and how they lure their victims? How many of you talked to your daughter about rape and gave advice on how to behave if an alarming situation arises? Children who live in a prosperous family and attend wonderful schools, as a rule, have no idea about self-defense, that they can and should scream outside in case of danger and ask passers-by for help, that they can firmly say no to an adult. Successful girls, and boys too, often simply do not feel danger, because they do not know how to recognize it. And how do they know about the signs of danger if no one told them about them? Parents often think that children themselves should figure out what is “good” and what is “bad”. But this, in my opinion, is a dangerous and erroneous opinion. I listen to teenagers' stories and am horrified at how often they walk “on the edge” without realizing it. When I tell them what could have happened if Fortune had turned its back on them at that moment, they are surprised because they could not even imagine such an outcome. I am sure that it is very important, without developing anxiety in children, to tell girls about possible dangerous situations and how to act in each of them.
My mom used to tell me stories from her life and the lives of her friends. From these stories, I learned how she defended her borders. My mother told me how boys and men can do things when they drink, how to scream, how to fight back furiously from an attacker, and how to warn me of the consequences of an adult stroking my knees. She didn't rule out that I, a completely domestic girl, would find myself in a similar situation someday. We didn't have taboos in such conversations. And thanks to my mom, I had a strong sense of danger. I always left a party before they started going out in pairs, I ran away from a suspicious guide after a disco, and I asked passers-by for help when I was in danger. I've always known why men would ask me to visit them to see books or albums. I've never been a naive girl who could be lured or drunk. When I was already a graduate student, I also managed to embarrass another Kozlodoev with laughter, jokes, and a “naive” message that “my dad usually picks me up”.
Do this experiment with your daughter. Have a family member come to her from behind and she will have to say “stop” until they come close to her. And see how close the baby gets to him. It is desirable for the girl to say “stop” at a distance of no closer than a meter from herself. Girls should have more than just a loud “stop!” in their arsenal to combat those who violate their borders , but also a scream at the top of my throat “Help! They're killing!” , talking loudly on the phone with mom or dad so that the aggressor can hear, as well as threats: “Do you know who my dad is and what will he do to you if you touch me? I have an alarm button on my phone. I've already pressed it.” And a straight look into the eyes of a child of the same age and a firm one: “Just try to come to me!” And the ability to break in if the border is violated. And when a girl feels that an adult is starting to molest her, she should say loudly to him: “Who do you take me for? Are you offering me sex as a minor? Do you know what they do to people like you in prison? I've already pressed the alarm button on my cell phone. And my father knows my location.” Any bluff, any unusual behavior — yelling, laughing out loud, paying attention to extraneous things — will all come in handy, except for the silence, tears and that humility that makes parents so touched. A submissive child is almost always a broken child. And such a child, most likely, will not be able to protect himself at the age of 10 or at 20. These are potential victims of scoundrels.
In a situation of harassment, I am also depressed by scientists' indifferent acceptance of the rules of the game imposed by the “goats”. Everyone saw and understood everything, but pretended it didn't concern them. Such moral emptiness is common in academia. It is considered good form to remain silent and not interfere in others' affairs. But for some reason, none of the indifferent observers ever imagine their daughter being the victim. Of course, it's hard to imagine your clever girl with handcuffs in her arms under this hog — a respected colleague.
And finally, one more consideration that seems to have nothing to do with the topic of my longread. But, in fact, it is related. I am delighted and touched by the position of modern women in Belarus and Poland: some have learned to resist the aggression of a tyrant, while others have learned to insist on their right to control their soul and body. Both will go all the way. They are deprived of their jobs, beaten up, thrown into jail, but they still go outside and express their position loudly, sometimes furiously. Sometimes their slogans are too harsh, sometimes they swear and scream curses when they are beaten with telescopic batons. That's not what their parents or queens taught them, so they couldn't imagine what kind of Valkyries obedient daughters would turn into in a situation of violence and personal neglect. But how lucky it is that these girls of yesterday found the strength to come out on this “holiday of disobedience” and disobedience!
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