Parents often ask me whether they should warn counselors about any peculiarities of their children's behavior, character, emotional or physical condition. And I can never answer this question with certainty, because I am familiar with situations when parents “aimed” young counselors, recent teenagers, at their child and got an unexpected result: the boy, despite his parents' requests, was placed in the room with older children, who began to “raise” him as best they could. The counselor understood the mother's words that her child was “sensitive and vulnerable” as a signal to action, and he wanted to re-educate this “sissy”. So he put it with the guys who were supposed to make him a “normal kid”. The boy called his mother every day and asked him to pick him up from camp, although he liked the camp itself very much. What should parents do in such situations? Should you ask counselors to pay more attention to your child and tell them about certain problems he may have during communication?
In my opinion, when it comes to a child's physical condition and health, it is necessary to bring counselors up to date and warn them about the causes of a possible crisis and measures to overcome it. And it is especially important to do this if the child has psychological problems, if the child has ADHD or autism. The counselor should receive all the information about how such a child can perform under certain conditions. Of course, you shouldn't intimidate the counselor and paint him “scary” pictures, but asking him to be more careful and talk about what the child would like to do in camp, what he does best, is a must. And the counselor should see how such a child will communicate with the guys from the squad or from his room.
A very difficult question is whether to dedicate other children and tell them how to behave with this child? An extremely sensitive counselor who must be prepared for a situation of inclusion can warn children about the need for a friendly attitude and friendly participation. Better yet, get all the guys involved in a common cause and watch how their relationship develops. Or find one or one you can rely on and ask for help entering the difficult child into summer camp mode. Counselors shared their observations with me. They are well aware of all possible diagnoses and can adapt to the child if they are warned about the diagnosis. But they are always annoyed by those parents who, sending an undiagnosed child to camp, insistently ask them to treat him in a special way. When counselors see this excessive care and parental anxiety, they often decide to do the opposite — and place the child in a room with children whom parents would not like to see next to their tender, loving son or daughter. And I suggest that parents talk to their children about mobbing and its manifestations before camp and ask them to tell you anything that will embarrass them during their vacation. And don't intervene in the situation right away, don't rush to camp and pick up the child, but call the counselor and carefully ask what the situation is, whether everything is fine, whether the child has any friends in the squad. Then take a break and see if the child complains again. Sometimes homesickness, as well as ordinary childhood grievances, make children complain and ask to go home. You need to be able to distinguish this child's condition from the condition that requires your intervention.
You know your children and you can almost always tell if you're being manipulated or if it's a real problem. But I keep saying that children need to be prepared for these situations, which can break out of the blue. Children should read books from my anti-mobbing list of books and discuss all possible patterns of behavior in a mobbing/bullying situation. Only knowing the signs of bullying and how to stop it will allow your child to react correctly and feel safe. A child should identify bullying, distinguish it from individual rashes of teenage aggression and, most importantly, understand that this common socio-psychological phenomenon has affected him not because he is different, behaves and looks strange, but because this is how the psychology of a child group works: they often need to offend, drive or poison someone in order to assert their authority and significance and not be afraid of those who are stronger than them. Have a nice and peaceful summer, dear parents!
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