Children of all ages often tell me that new people of strange behavior and appearance appear in their classrooms — they cry, smell bad, say strange things, fight. Their behavior scares and irritates their classmates. When I ask clarifying questions, I understand that we are talking about special children, and classes that accept them are called inclusive. I wholeheartedly support inclusive education, but I'm against how it is implemented in schools.
The vast majority of the children I interviewed do not understand what problem they are facing. They do not understand how to treat such a child, do not understand his behavior and do not know anything about the peculiarities of his physical and mental development. Most often, teachers and parents are not prepared to have such a child in a regular classroom. And bullying begins, which splits an already friendly classroom, turns some children into forced mobbers and, in the end, turns a good cause into headaches for teachers, parents and the tragedy of an outcast child. It is quite obvious to me that students should be prepared for such experiments. You should read and discuss with them books such as “The Miracle” by R.J. Palacio or “The Clever Man” by Marie-Aude Muray.
The other day, a ten-year-old boy told me that he doesn't feel sorry for such a special classmate whom everyone offends. He could stand up for him, but he doesn't like or empathize with that boy. And he admitted to me that he cares about it: “Maybe it's not good that I don't feel anything?” , the child asked me.
A high school student told me that they have to attend some classes in another school building where children with special needs study. And the older guys are afraid of them and try to go in groups, although the strange owners of the building are much younger than them. They don't know how to interact with them, how to defend themselves if they are aggressive. It turns out that these children, united by the same school building, are like two different civilizations forced to live together without knowing anything about each other and not understanding each other.
A boy with special needs comes to summer camp. They put him in the same tent with the older children, without warning them about the possible manifestations of his temperament. They treat him like a normal child. One day they freak him out and he has an epileptic attack. When he is brought back to normal with the help of doctors, the guys from his tent ask the counselor to remove the “seizure”. They're scared. But the parents of other children, having learned about this incident, also don't want him to be put in a tent with them. Who was supposed to warn the older kids out of the tent that this was possible and ask them to be friendly? How can we tell children that such special children can have very different reactions to ordinary and familiar words and actions in children's environment?
What can I do to get the child to show empathy for someone who, with their appearance and behavior, repels their peers? How to convince a child that by protecting the weak, he is “not setting himself up”, but is doing a very good thing, saving him from bullying and himself from remorse and the pain of conscience.
And is it even worth teaching children to support children who often cannot even accept and appreciate it? I believe that it is very important for adults to set an example for children with disabilities to treat children with disabilities in a decent and proper manner.
Travis, a ten-year-old from California, lost all of his hair as a result of treatment. He was very shy about going back to school like this, and his classmates shaved their heads as a sign of support and solidarity. So I thought, what can we adults do to help our son or daughter show empathy for someone else's child with special needs? Would we offer him a shave as a sign of solidarity, or would we recommend that our child sit at the same desk with an outcast or invite him to our party? Let's test ourselves to see what we're capable of.
Imagine that your child's classmate is strange and cheeky, striving to touch and smell everything, bringing objects close to his short-sighted eyes and asking your son or daughter: “What do you have? Where did you get this from? Where are you going to go now?” It also smells bad. Everyone in class makes fun of him, throws him away, ignores him, runs away from him, and he keeps on harassing them and asking them to play a game or go out together. And your child talks about him with laughter, contempt, or even clenched fists: “Everyone in class is fed up with this idiot. He's already tired of me.” Can you guess the reasons for this deviant behavior: the boy's family is “strange”, “his mother is unpleasant”, and the teacher mentions his name at every meeting... Knowing all this, would you advise your child to invite an outcast to his birthday party? Will you find the time and the right words to explain to the child how hard this kid is right now? Would you recommend that he take him under his protection and sit at the same desk with him? Will you invite him to visit? Will you take him to the theater? Will you draw the class teacher's attention to this situation? Would you ask other parents to talk to their children and ask them to think about ways to stop him from feeling like a black sheep?
Do you agree, friends, that this is much more difficult to do than let your son/daughter shave her naked to support a sick child? But in both cases, we are talking about both saving someone else's child and saving your own. Moreover, for my “from real life” example, the word “salvation” is even more suitable. Travis was saved by the doctor, and his classmates simply supported him morally, and in the situation I described, even one classmate can save this particular child. And it could be your child that you'll be proud of. And at the same time, he will do a simple thing: talk to an outcast, invite him to visit him, go to a match, play chess or a computer game with him, let him write off his homework. Or maybe he'll even teach him what he can do best.
I asked that boy who couldn't bring himself to lend a helping hand to the weird newcomer if he knew what he could do best. And my interviewee said, “Yes! He can play saxophone.” So I asked if anyone else in class knew about it. It turns out that no one knew, including the teacher. So I advised the boy to invite the teacher to nominate an unusual new person for a school contest or concert so that everyone could see that he can do what no one can do.
I know a grown man who tearfully remembers that only classmate who showed compassion and support at a time when the whole world took up arms against him, and he was at the same time with this world.
P.S. Good test, friends! Play it with your children and you'll learn a lot about autism: People with autism: Who are they and what do you know about them? A test.
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